‚ÄúCollege ho toh Delhi University ka! Such a chilled out life. Bunk classes all the time. No teacher to nag you. No need to attend any classes.‚Äù
All present DU students have heard these statements at some point of time, probably in twelfth, when they were preparing for boards and aspiring to make the cut to a college of this esteemed University, preferably North Campus.
What do these statements have in common?
The following points aim to throw light on the ‚Äúkadwa sach‚Äù, the bitter truth. Next time you hear the name of Delhi University, it will send a shiver down your spine. So brace yourselves and proceed with caution:-
1. Bas 67% chahiye? Pinch of salt!
Muahahahaha!!! 67% is the ‚Äúminimum attendance required to be eligible for exams‚Äù, and also a trap meant to lure you into believing that a beautiful life lies ahead of you in college. Let me enlighten you. Attendance in college carries marks, which constitute five percent of your aggregate percentage. And it‚Äôs not attending two third of the classes that will get you through. Contrary to popular belief, you need to be present in a whole EIGHTY FIVE PERCENT of the classes of each subject to be worthy of that pricey five percent. About as easy as getting admission in DU.
2. Proxy lag jaegi! Why to worry?
Pop! goes the sound of the proxy bubble breaking. As tempting as this ‚ÄúDilli wala jugaad‚Äù may sound, it is not so easy, especially with the teachers whose sole purpose in life is to never let you leave school. Happy about leaving the strict environment behind? Wait till you start going to college.¬†These teachers are the perfect clone of Narayan Shankar (Amitabh Bachchan), the principal in Mohabbatein. You dare enjoy ‚Äúcollege life‚Äù with such teachers around.
And God save you if they start recognizing you by name (yes, that happens in college too). Caught talking? No attendance for you.
3. Flexible Timings Hai! Jab Marzi Aao Jab Marzi Jao!
Arrive at class five minutes before it ends and you will be given attendance? Oh please! Arrive at class five minutes after it begins, no entry for you. You can kiss your attendance goodbye whilst whiling away the lecture hour cribbing. Believe it or not, this is the harsh reality. The school environment that I mentioned above? This rule is meant to reinforce it upon you. You think college will give you freedom to do whatever you want? Nah-ah-ah! If you want attendance, attend the class.
4. Mass Bunks: The Divine Solution!
Aha! The teacher can‚Äôt mark everybody absent, right? She is bound to give attendance on mass bunk days, right? Utterly and completely wrong. If you mutually decide to not be bound inside the four walls of your classroom and instead spend the day exploring the campus, watching movies, (or, like me, sleeping), that is your call. The teacher will very conveniently pull out the register, mark you ‚ÄúA for Absent‚Äù, and enjoy his/her free time, leaving you to fathom where all your precious attendance vanished.
And don‚Äôt even get me started on the distinguished category of people: those who bunk mass bunks (you know who you are).
5. The Humongous Task of Maintaining Attendance
When DU students wake up in the morning to the sound of ten alarms ringing incessantly, and are not in the mood to go to college, what do they do? Well, of course, they count their precious attendance! They calculate and realize that after those failed mass bunks, that election campaigning and those reckless hangouts, they are not in the position to afford another leave. So they reluctantly pull themselves out of bed and push themselves into the Metro (well, the push doesn‚Äôt really entail much effort, but that is a story for some other day). They go to the class and get their attendance, even though they do not understand a word the teacher says.
Believe you me, that‚Äôs a hell of a war. And a one-sided war at that. But I‚Äôll somehow survive. And so will you. And so will all future DUites. Because the charm of college outweighs the associated cons.
Postscript: This article is meant for humour and not to terrorize its readers.